Speak With Dead #10: Natural Selection
Dear Maxillae,
I’m sure there’s weirder relationships out there.
I just read the response you posted to Dominic the Virile in Speak with Dead #8, and it gave me the courage to come forward with my question today. I am a necromancer who is dating a medusa. Believe me, I understand all the pitfalls of our relationship. But, I have a nagging problem that might undermine our relationship. I believe that many of her favorite statues may have been past lovers.
She did strictly forbid me from breaking the statues, but I figured out that returning them to flesh would not ‘break’ them or my vow. Is it wrong of me to want to return them to flesh, kill them, and then animate them for my entourage? My apprentice says it’s a waste of effort, and someone else warned me that she might take advantage of them being mobile again. Your thoughts?
Anonymous and jealous
Speak With Dead #09: Zombie Animals
Dear Maxillae the Mad,
I admire your efforts here, and your necromantic work as well. I wish I could follow in your footsteps. Unfortunately, I am in no way magically inclined. I’ve tried various processes, such as asking gods for power, making deals with demons, and even studying, but the gods didn’t listen, the demons got annoyed with me, and the books didn’t help. I’ve looked into alchemical solutions to my problem, but there isn’t much documentation on the subject. Could you give me some personal insight?
Signed,
Necromance-If-You-Want-To
Ten Things DMs Should Know About the PCs in Their Game
Hey nerds!
As the Dungeon Master it can be a chore sometimes to keep the action moving, and many of us want to give each PC a shot in the spotlight by picking on them individually.
That can be difficult though, if you don’t know much about them. I’m not talking AC or hit point totals, though, I’m talking about backgrounds, preferences – generally the fluffy bits.
So today, we’re going to talk about ten things you can ask your players about their characters that make for good points to pick at when it comes to tailoring sessions specifically for them.
I’m going into this assuming you already know to keep it even and get around to everybody, and that playing favorites is bad.
If we’re all on the same page, then here come the questions.
Speak With Dead #08: Hellspawn
What’s a lady gotta do to practice necromancy in peace? Occasional adventurer intrusions are a thing, people. [Art by Maciej Kuciara]
My sincerest apologies for my tardiness. I am aware you were expecting my latest Speak with Dead transmission this previous “Thursday” as it were, but I have found myself in a bit of a quandary as four plucky adventurers entered my crypt in an attempt to slay me for some sundry “crimes against humanity.” I’ll be honest, I wasn’t listening to the whole thing; these tirades tend to be very similar once you’ve heard them enough.
Fear not, I managed to dispatch them fairly easily and should be back to my regular activities shortly. On an unrelated note, however, I have four new zombies to acclimate to my horde now. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Braaaaainsssss….]
Regards,
Maxillae the Mad
Ten D&D Character Flaws that Won’t Bog Down Your Game
What’s up, nerds? You know how sometimes D&D characters come off as too perfect? There’s hardly anything as annoying as a character who can do absolutely no wrong, the one the player steps in the way and has to backpedal and retcon endlessly because, “Oh, that was a mistake and my precious character wouldn’t have made one.” That character. Well, except for badly played character flaws. You know what I mean. The character flaws they have to interrupt the game for every five minutes to act out. The one that gets in the way. The cleric who didn’t take prestidigitation and hates getting dirty to the point they melt down every time it happens. The ill-tempered guy who sees an insult in everything and has to start a fight even when you’re just trying to buy road rations and suddenly you’re fighting a shopkeeper and have to hide yet another body. The character with a split personality who you’re pretty sure your friend didn’t do any research about but who you don’t want to call them out on because it would just start a fight at the table even though every time they launch into their stuff you side eye them so hard.
Roleplaying Character Moments Within the Party
Salutations, nerds, today we’re going to talk about some fluffier stuff but by now I’m sure you know to expect that from me more often than not. I want to get into talking about the roleplaying moments between player characters within the party. RP with the PCs.
Dungeons & Dragons is typically a lot of back and forth between the characters and the Dungeon Master. At least 75 percent of the game should be like this, absolutely. It’s what drives the plot forward. We wouldn’t have any action without it. I’ve been thinking a lot, though, about the other 25 percent and what that entails. These are the parts that the players do that, in my opinion, can make or break whether a campaign is memorable.
This is something that has nothing to do with the DM and everything to do with the characters and it’s how you talk to each other during those downtime moments. D&D isn’t just about going on a quest and doing what the DM lays down for you – it’s about making a real connection between characters too.
Speak With Dead #07: Undeath Support
Dear Maxillae the Mad,
IS THIS THE GOOGLE? EVERYTHING I TYPE IS UPPERCASED. IT LOOKS LIKE I’M YELLING BUT I’M NOT. MY GRANDDAUGHTER TOLD ME TO ASK THE GOOGLE BUT I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS. HELP!
Signed,
WHAT’S A USERNAME? I’M BETH
Dear BETH,
This is not The Google. This is Maxillae. I understand you are having some trouble with your connective device and I also understand you are nearing the end of your natural life cycle and your bones and musculature are no longer supple and resistant to the wear and tear of decay, so allow me to offer some support.
Speak With Dead #06: Withering Willies
Dear Maxillae the Mad,
A hand of glory was a hanged man’s hand which was used as a macabre candle holder by burglars to evade discovery. When alight, it was said to put all the sleeping people in a house into a trance from which they couldn’t be awakened. Sometimes the fingers of the hand itself were lit. It was believed that if the thumb refused to light, it signified that someone in the house was still awake. This hand was discovered in the early 20th century on the roof wallpate of Hawthorn Cottage in Danby. It is thought that it might have originated from Gibbet Howe, Castleton and been in use as late as 1820.
As I’m sure you are aware, it is common practice for civilians to remove the body parts (hands, eyes, genitals, etc) of hanged criminals in order to create macabre charms and trinkets. What do you think of such practices? Does it dissuade you from raising such corpses or do they still have their uses?
Signed,
Knick-Knack-Tallywacker
RPG Trickster Character NPCs: When and Where to Use Them
John de Lancie portrayed Q in several episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Salutations, nerds.
I’m willing to bet, at one point or another, a lot of you have come into contact with a roleplaying game nonplayer character who played a little bit like Q from Star Trek.
The trickster NPC sweeps into your RPG, snaps their fingers, causes a boatload of trouble for the player characters and there isn’t anything you can do about it.
If it happened with a good Game Master, you were probably able to kick their butt afterward, but most of the time that isn’t the case and the only person who has fun is the GM sitting behind the screen going “haha look how frustrated you guys are.”
Yeah, it pretty much sucks. Except for when it doesn’t.
D&D Dungeon Masters Level Up Too
Hey nerds! This weekend I had the unique experience of getting to play in a party being helmed by a player I taught the game to in the first place. It’s his first big fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons campaign, and I am filled with...
Speak With Dead #05: In the Spirit of Good Counsel
Dear Maxillae the Mad,
Portrait of a Lady, by Gustave Jean Jacquet (1846-1909)
My dear uncle passed away a fortnight ago and left his estate split between myself and two other cousins as he had no children himself. I received among other things a framed portrait of a beautiful woman that had been hanging in his personal study. No idea who she is but it is a beautiful painting.
However, since receiving said painting, this woman has started appearing in my dreams and at night when I’m woken I can hear a woman screaming outside my house. Three days ago my chickens were dead. Two days ago, some wild dogs. This morning I found two men dressed in black dead on my front porch whom I took to be attempted burglars. Their faces were twisted in silent screams of horror.
Do I get rid of the painting? I feel there’s a spirit at unrest but at the same time she has shown me no harm or ill will aside from lack of sleep and walking my dreams.
Please help!
Yours,
Restless Dreaming
Gaming Has Changed My Media Expectations
Jon Heder, as the titular Napoleon Dynamite, and Aaron Ruell as Kip engage in a nerd battle in the independent film “Napoleon Dynamite.”
Arguing about media is a staple of the nerd subculture. We spend an inordinate amount of time going over our favorite shows, movies and books with a fine-toothed comb picking out small details and jabbing at each other with them, because as nerds it’s just what we do. It shouldn’t be a huge surprise, then, that my friend group is no exception to this.
I’m not going to lie, much of the time it’s my fault. I am a total killjoy to watch a movie or anime with, because I absolutely hate it when the main character does everything.
Speak With Dead #04: My Int Mod Brings All the Ghouls to the Yard
Dear Maxillae the Mad, [caption id="attachment_22881" align="alignright" width="446"] A ghast, as seen in the fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual. [Image courtesy Wizards of the Coast][/caption]The last adventurers that came through my family’s home took everything of value. Now no more adventurers will come, and...
No Campaign for Old Men: Shout Out to Older Protagonists
Hey, nerds. Today we’re going to talk about character ages. Most people go for younger protagonists, younger D&D characters. Twenty-somethings tend to be the staple in most games I’ve been involved in, and that makes sense to a degree. Part of the allure is wanting to watch a character mature, play them from an early age and see them grow into someone else, especially if you’re starting at Level 1 and don’t have a lot of room for back story.
But not every campaign starts at Level 1 and that’s to say nothing for NPCs and other works of fiction. There’s a place for older characters; it’s something I don’t see done often, but I’d like to see it done more.
Speak With Dead #03: The Nature of Evil
Dear Maxillae the Mad,
My druid circle disagrees with my use of undead in the line of duty. Death is just as much a part of nature as life, and I only raise those whose spirits I have communicated with and that have consented to helping me. How can I make the others see that I am not evil just because my practices are unconventional?
Signed,
Deerly-Departed
Dear Departed,
As a practicing necromancer, I do some pretty evil things and I’m all right with that. So believe me when I say, I wouldn’t be judging you if what you were doing was evil, but if the spirits are all right with it, I don’t see how it qualifies. People just get really iffy about dead things walking around for some reason.
The thing is, if they’re bound and determined to think what you’re doing is bad, they’re going to think so no matter how you frame it. And all of the spells designed to detect that sort of thing are currently calibrated to both by default.
Unfortunately, there is no way for you to prove your goodness. The people around you don’t trust you, plain and simple. In that case, you need to decide what means more to you: the ability to be yourself, or the seeming respect of those around you. I know which I would pick if it were me. Respecting you on the conditions of your being someone you are not is in no way real respect.
Regards,
Maxillae the Mad
