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Nerdarchy > Speak With Dead  > Speak With Dead #03: The Nature of Evil

Speak With Dead #03: The Nature of Evil

Speak With Dead #02: NecRomantic Questions
Speak With Dead #04: My Int Mod Brings All the Ghouls to the Yard

evil necromancer

Dear Maxillae the Mad,

My druid circle disagrees with my use of undead in the line of duty. Death is just as much a part of nature as life, and I only raise those whose spirits I have communicated with and that have consented to helping me. How can I make the others see that I am not evil just because my practices are unconventional?

Signed,
Deerly-Departed

Dear Departed,

As a practicing necromancer, I do some pretty evil things and I’m all right with that. So believe me when I say, I wouldn’t be judging you if what you were doing was evil, but if the spirits are all right with it, I don’t see how it qualifies. People just get really iffy about dead things walking around for some reason.

The thing is, if they’re bound and determined to think what you’re doing is bad, they’re going to think so no matter how you frame it. And all of the spells designed to detect that sort of thing are currently calibrated to both by default.

Unfortunately, there is no way for you to prove your goodness. The people around you don’t trust you, plain and simple. In that case, you need to decide what means more to you: the ability to be yourself, or the seeming respect of those around you. I know which I would pick if it were me. Respecting you on the conditions of your being someone you are not is in no way real respect.

Regards,

Maxillae the Mad

Embrace the evil

Dear Maxillae the Mad,

 

As one of both noble and infernal birth, I have been used to getting what my heart desires with ease. Much came easily to me. That was then.

However, I had recently taken on a squire. A rescue project, really. Bought from a duergar slave market, I gave her the chance to learn and grow under the auspice of House Mortez. Timid at first, she eventually blossomed into a valiant and noteworthy herald at my side.

She died in an effort to save another. Quite heroic. It shattered my world view and left me stunned. I had lost companions to battle before, but none like her. It wasn’t until then that I had come to realize that I felt more for her than the simple role of mentor and liege. I had no choice but to lay her to rest where she was.

Now I regret both not telling her and not returning her to Kraken’s Reach to be buried with full family honours. She is beyond my reach for either now, and I am lesser for it.

Respectfully,

Sir Veritas Mortez, Knight of The Kraken Guard

Dear Sir Veritas,

This is quite a tale. There isn’t a question in it, at least not one that was punctuated like one, so permit me a little bit of analysis.

Now let me open this with a reminder that as you are not a necromancer, it is very likely you are still dealing with this pesky little thing called grief. It tends to get in the way for those of us who aren’t blessed with the ability to make our own friends. Give yourself a minute to feel those feelings and if you feel as though you are unable to do so before returning to the field, consider relocating; knights are strapping and take a very long time to decompose. Your remains would be wasted if they were left to rot.

Now steel yourself, the rest of this may be difficult to hear.

I understand someone of noble upbringing isn’t very used to hearing the word no, particularly from the mouth of a slave. This is something you need to bear in mind in the future. The living are not as easy to program as the dead, but it can be done with effort. Slavers put in a lot of that sort of effort.

Now teaching this girl was probably not the wrong move, but I strongly advise you put aside your regrets of not telling her your feelings. Imagine, if you will, that you had. What do you think she would have said? You, the man who holds the purse strings and presumably the keys to her fate? She wasn’t going to tell you no, and it wouldn’t have been much of a choice.

As her teacher, you held all the power there. Any romance that might have blossomed between you would have been inappropriate. Oh yes, all this coming from a necromancer, how hypocritical. However, my zombies are all dead. The soul has long since departed and the shambling meat would be left to rot otherwise. And let me make this particularly clear: what I’m doing is evil. I revel in that. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with evil, but I’m not going to pretend it’s good.

Mourn her. Erect a memorial. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself through this. But ultimately, do yourself a favor and allow her death to be about her, not you. Or don’t, and revel in your evil, but don’t try to pretend your feelings are about her.

Regards,

Maxillae the Mad

Give the necromancer lifestyle a try

Dear Maxillae the Mad,

necromancer speak with deadI have been having trouble with adventurers raiding my lair and attacking me. I am a dragon with quite a sizable horde that I earned from ransacking dwarf settlements and towns outlying the mountain range I inhabit. So you know the story, some plonker of a monarch hires a band of heroes or some idiots from a village I burned down comes in for revenge or some dopey thief tries to sneak in and steal a few gems (those ones really get my goat).

Now, I have no issue dealing with such pests, in fact they are usually welcome if I don’t want to go out for a meal, but the issue is getting more frequent and I can’t even leave the lair more than five minutes without some upstart trying to steal what’s mine or preparing an ambush when I get back. It’s gotten so bad my half-dragon children can’t come visit due to the danger.

What should I do?

– Gathrag the Mighty

Dear Gathrag the Mighty,

Clearly you are not making the consequences harsh enough for messing with you. When the next group of adventurers comes to make trouble, do something so horrifying to them that the next ten groups think twice about it, or consider using these attacks as a method of planning what village to attack next (aka choose the village the “hero” who attacks you is from).

You might consider decorating your humble abode with the corpses of your enemies to ward off the next group of attackers, or simply putting the heads on spikes. There isn’t much meat to a head anyway, so you wouldn’t be missing much meat for the practice.

Alternatively, you could learn a bit of necromancy yourself. It sounds as though you have no shortage of bodies with which to fuel your casting.

Regards,

Maxillae the Mad

Do you have a question for Maxillae the Mad?

Please, if you have anything you would like to inquire of our resident necromancer, leave your inquisitions in the comments below or simply tweet out to #SpeakWithDead and have your questions answered!

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Robin Miller

Speculative fiction writer and part-time Dungeon Master Robin Miller lives in southern Ohio where they keep mostly nocturnal hours and enjoys life’s quiet moments. They have a deep love for occult things, antiques, herbalism, big floppy hats and the wonders of the small world (such as insects and arachnids), and they are happy to be owned by the beloved ghost of a black cat. Their fiction, such as The Chronicles of Drasule and the Nimbus Mysteries, can be found on Amazon.

6 Comments

  • Ghasts-Half-Empty
    July 13, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Dear Maxillae the Mad,
    The last adventurers that came through my family’s home took everything of value. Now no more adventurers will come, and my family is going to starve. Is it too deceitful to spread false rumors of the vast riches here, or should we simply find a new home with a consistent source of food?
    Signed,
    Ghasts-Half-Empty

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    July 19, 2017 at 11:52 am

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  • Algernon Beetish
    July 19, 2017 at 11:56 am

    Dear Maxillae the Mad,

    I am but a humble beet farmer descended from a long line of beet farmers and one carrot farmer, I do my best to keep running my farm as peacefully as possible but recently some ne’er dowells have been trying to get me to pay protection money, my farm doesn’t earn enough to pay the gold they’re asking for. They’re all bandits well used to beating and killing smple village folk like myself and theres n sign of any adventurers who can help us(we put notes up on sign but alas to no avail) these bandits are well armed and many in number what would you suggest to a simle farmer of beets?

    Humbly yours

    Algernon Beetish

  • Restless Dreaming
    July 19, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    Dear Maxillae the Mad,

    My dear uncle passed away a fortnight ago and left his estate split between myself and two other cousins as he had no children himself. I received among other things a framed portrait of a beautiful woman that had been hanging in his personal study. No idea who she is but it is a beautiful painting.

    However, since receiving said painting, this woman has started appearing in my dreams and at night when I’m woken I can hear a woman screaming outside my house. Three days ago my chickens were dead. Two days ago, some wild dogs. This morning I found two men dressed in black dead in my front porch whom I took to be attempted burglars. Their faces were twisted in silent screams of horror.

    Do I get rid of the painting? I feel there’s a spirit at unrest but at the same time she has shown me no harm or I’ll will aside from lack of sleep and walking my dreams.

    Please help!

    Yours,

    Restless Dreaming

  • PRINCE CAELEVAN III @ orcmail.com
    July 19, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    DEAR SIR OR MADAM

    I am the former advisor of Liirastus – true heir to the throne of the Elves – who was displaced during a militarized coup. Your name was found among King Liirastus’ records as a trustworthy person, and so I am messaging you to request your assistance.

    With the overtaking of the throne, King Liirastus suspects the new King will discover his wealth and leave him with nothing. As a result, we are trying to move the money safely and quickly to get it away from the false king before he discovers it. If you are willing to help we are willing to give you a sizable chunk of his wealth for your assistance.

    We require a loan of 2500 gold coins to begin the moving process to ensure that the funds are transferred safely and quietly, and in return for your help we are willing to reimburse you with 500,000 gold coins after the treasures are moved.

    If you are interested, please reply directly to me.

    Thank you and Corellon’s grace be upon you,
    Sirithanus

  • Shergot the wise
    October 6, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    Why do people dislike necromancy so much? Can’t a guy just raise a family in peace?

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