The Nightmare Before Critmas Part 3

Welcome, dear nerds, to our holiday tale.

If you missed acts one and two, catch up; we won’t bail.

Now, my dear nerds, are you caught up on events?

Jolly! Now, sit back as Nerdarchy presents:

Nerdy Night Before Critmas 3

‘Twas Critmas Day and Nerdarchist Ted

Had lured the party into hellish dread

Paladin Dave, the Knight before Christmas, was decked in plate armor.

Yule wizard Robin’s fires stoked, a real holiday charmer.

 

Santa Claws was acolyte druid, Nerditor Doug.

The three now faced warlock Steven’s smirk mug.

“Chained in a dungeon,” Steven cackled with glee.

“Guarded by a dragon!” Ted added, then laughed, “Hee, hee, hee!”

 

“Now, off to our patron’s side!” shouted Steven.

“We’ve won for dear Krampus! I’m so happy, I can’t even.”

“Agreed.” Ted nodded. “‘Tis a fine holiday!

“We’ll return later, to PUNish and SLEIGH!”

 

In poof of smoke, the DM and warlock both vanished.

“What a Critmas,” groaned Dave. “I’m already sore and famished.”

“Then let’s escape,” said Robin, already free from their chains.

“I took the criminal background. Sage wizard is too plain.”

 

In a jiffy, both Doug and Dave were freed.

Doug smiled, “Who knew lock picks were just the gift we’d need?”

The cell door stood no chance against Robin’s skill.

As is swung open with a creak, the party set out to kill.

 

“Krampus has ruined enough of this season!”

Dave cried, “Time for blood. We need no more reason!”

“Let’s start with those traps.” Doug pointed ahead.

“If we can’t avoid those swinging blades, we’ll be dead!”

 

“Look!” The knight before Christmas cried,

“There’s a lever controlling it on the other side!”

Summoning Wild Shape, Doug said, “Leave it to me!”

With a wind, he transformed into a small bee.

 

The bumblebee flew through the maze of swinging axes with ease,

Shifting back on the other side, he smiled. “If you please.”

The lever ker-thunked and the blades ceased their movement.

“The lack of death in this hallway is quite the improvement.”

 

Safe to traverse, Dave and Robin scurried.

Through a labyrinth of traps they fought, blasted, and hurried.

Eventually, they came to the dragon’s lair.

The creature slumbered and snored like a hibernating bear.

 

“I’ll take care of the monster!” Dave raised his radiant sword.

“It’s about time I slay a dragon; I was getting bored!”

Hearing the battle cry, the creature awoke with a start.

What the party saw then nearly stopped their poor hearts.

 

The chromatic dragon had not one color, but two.

“A red and green dragon?” Doug gasped, “What will we do?”

Dave grinned. “All dragons have something in common, after all;

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

 

Initiative rolled, and Critmas rang true.

Dave’s natural 20 ensured he had the first move.

Beard of white, and armor of red,

Dave raised a shining sword, filling the dragon with dread.

 

As the beast reared to strike at the night for no reason,

He channeled his holiday Oath of the Season.

A second nat 20! Critmas miracle! Rejoice!

The dragon fell at Dave’s booming voice.

 

“That was quite easy?” Robin questioned. “Too much so?”

Dave raised his lighted sword’s glow.

From the darkness of the next tunnel walked Krampus, Steven, and Ted.

“Now for the real boss battle,” cried the DM. “Hope you don’t wind up dead.”

 

Krampus went next with an icy cone of cold,

Dealing 8d8 damage, with the maximum rolled.

64 damage, and Robin nearly downed,

They laughed, then cackled, then suddenly frowned.

 

“Is that the best that Krampus can do?”

Robin conjured wizard’s fire. “I’ll make your Critmas blue!”

Hotter and hotter, the Yule flames they stoked.

Then unleashed a blue fireball with just one stroke.

 

The Krampus squealed and screeched and roared.

“Mine can be louder,” said Doug. “You’re making me bored!”

With a fierce howl. Doug Wild Shaped again.

A giant elk stood in his place, “Merry Critmas, my friend.”

 

The elk succeeded at trampling the demon.

Yet the druid paid no mind to the side, where warlock Steven

Unleashed a spell. ‘Twas a bonus action: hex.

“Time for my spellcasting muscles to flex.”

 

Steven fired an eldritch blast: one, two, three!

Each force missile hit, obliterating elk form. “A smol druid, is he!”

“Now is your chance, Ted! Deliver the killing blow!”

Ted threw out his hand, sheeting the druid in snow.

 

“A blizzard wizard, really?” Robin half-scoffed and laughed.

“How basic can you be? Get gaffed.”

Again came Dave’s turn, and a choice had to be made:

Slay Krampus or save Doug, covered by snow and splayed.

 

His Oath dictated what had to be done.

Dave sneered at Krampus then to Doug’s side he did run.

With a Lay on Hands, the druid’s life spared.

Touched by the gesture, Steven’s heart wasn’t prepared.

 

“You saved your party member, instead of killing the boss?”

Dave nodded. “Critmas is about your party first, no matter the cost.”

Heart turned from his treachery, Steven arose.

“Then by your sides I’ll stand. An alliance, I propose.”

 

“Glad to have you back,” said Robin with a nod.

Dave smirked. “But you forfeit your loot share from killing your god.”

“He’s a patron,” said Steven, “A difference exists.”

Krampus roared with revenge, and in rolled the mists.

 

“He uses fire and ice!” Steven shouted, and then

To prove Krampus ferocity, cone of cold yet again!

Minimum damage! and he only caught three in the blast.

“Now,” said Dave, “time to make this boss Critmas past!”

 

Entangle! Fireball! Eldritch Blast! And Divine Smite.

These things together overcame Krampus’ might.

As the boss fell like a great holiday tree,

The party rejoiced, now four instead of three.

 

In the real world, the table’s players stood and gave a holiday cheer.

“Best dungeon ever!” was agreed. Then Ted said, “Until next year!”

“Oh?” Doug offered an inquisitive look.

“I’ve got more holiday monsters,” said Ted. “They’re all in this book.”

 

He revealed the boxed module, and revealed its cursed pages.

“Next year, I’m a barbarian,” said Steven, “who rages.

The warlock was fine but a bit squishy for me.”

“And I’ll bring the rogue,” said Doug. “Those lock picks fill a need.”

 

Robin claimed cleric, while Dave claimed a fighter.

And together the four planned next holiday’s all-nighter.

And this, our dear nerds, is our Critmas Nightmare tale.

Come back next year to see if they still will prevail.

 

And for you, our dear nerds, a blessed holiday season.

Bless is a spell, of course, and that spell is the reason

You’ll pass your next check, so leave a comment below!

And enjoy your holiday whether in sunshine or snow.

For some holiday themed RPG adventure check out this enhanced content for the Krinch Who Stole Father Winter’s Day and remember when you signup for Nerdarchy the Newsletter in addition to a FREE GIFT you’ll receive $9.99 in store credit so you can pick that up along with anything else you like right here.

*Featured image — While not a movie how can we resist an image of D&D’s iconic demon lord Orcus dressed as Santa Claus? Frog God Games’ How Orcus Stole Christmas has the characters begins at a happy village’s beloved holiday feast. The joy-filled townsfolk spotted an scary stranger arrive in his unusual sleigh. Nerdarchist Dave had a lot of fun running this one! [Image courtesy Frog God Games]

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