The Nightmare Before Critmas Part 2
All things considered 2020 wasn’t too shabby for the Nerdarchy crew. We continued to grow across the board from Nerdarchy the YouTube channel to right here on the website where the quality and quantity of content increased dramatically. We started a second YouTube channel for our longform and live video content at Nerdarchy Live. Our Patreon got a needed refresh with more benefits for supporters and we’re super excited about the refined game content we produce every month and Nerdarchy the Newsletter evolved into a vibrant weekly dispatch with a huge subscriber list. Nerditor Doug (me) celebrated a one year anniversary as a full time employee while staff writers Robin and Steven became more involved in creating new content. Later this week we’ll be publishing our year end retrospective so keep an eye out for it but for now we’ll continue a tradition started last holiday season. So I’ll give you back over to Steven for the Nightmare Before Critmas Part 2. — Nerditor Doug
Nerdy Night Before Critmas 2
’Twas the night before Critmas in the year 2020.
The world outside ravaged by apocalypses plenty.
Deep in his basement, our DM, Nerdarchist Ted,
prepared an adventure while others lay in their beds.
As morning broke, Ted rubbed his hands together.
He cackled at the announcement of the day’s weather.
’Twas set to be a perfect winter day,
The D&D party weren’t expecting this type of slay.
As Ted removed the boxed adventure he’d prepared,
He blew dust from the box’s title — Krampus: Beware.
As Ted joined the call on the app they call Zoom,
He tried to hide his glee at the impending doom.
Present were Nerditor Doug and Nerdarchist Dave.
Ted had to admit, returning this year was brave.
Joining the call came Robin as well.
Steven popped in. They were all in for hell.
As Ted waved his arms, the others’ screens did flare!
A swirling vortex of black and red transported them to who knew where?
As a matter of fact, Ted knew well.
For ’twas time to return to the realm called Nine Hells.
The knight before Christmas, Paladin Dave took his stance.
The acolyte druid, Santa Claws, Doug’s PC was also ready to dance.
They’d both seen this hellscape the previous year.
As Ted raised his spellbook, their eyes widened with fear.
“Incoming Krampus!” Doug gave a shriek.
As the spindly demon manifested, things looked rather bleak.
“Don’t worry, we’re here now!” Robin’s wizard shouted.
“I’m struggling here,” Steven’s warlock fumbled and pouted.
“What’s wrong?” Wizard Robin cried, “There’s a battle to come!”
“But I rolled for my stats,” said Steven, “And I rolled mostly 1’s!”
The Yule wizard was up first, casting copious flames.
As each spell landed on Krampus, his hit points remained.
“You fool!” Ted mocked, “He’s immune to your fire!”
Krampus crit on the warlock, already down to the wire.
“I’ll heal you!” Doug cried, casting a well timed cure wounds.
“We need to set up!” said Dave, granting paladin boons.
Robin’s turn came ‘round once again.
A fireball cast. “He’s immune still, my friend.”
Rolling his die just for the fun,
“Thank gods he’s immune,” Ted chuckled. “Nat 1.”
With a grin Robin stated, “The big firework booms with thunder.”
DM Ted’s brow furrowed. “How’s that happen, I wonder?”
“My yule wizard,” Robin flaunted, “began as a sorcerer.”
“You transmuted your spell?” Ted gasped in remorse, “Er… er…”
At a loss for words, Ted ordered Krampus to strike.
“Natural 20!” Ted cheered. “Now this die, I like.”
In one fell swoop, the wizard dropped to the ground.
As a lair action, he whipped his tail ’round.
The treelike appendage smashed directly into paladin Dave.
“Nat 20, again!” And the tail’s point did lathe.
“I’m down for the count!” Dave said, “It’s up to Doug and Steven.”
“Don’t worry,” said Doug, “I’ll make this score even.”
The druid shifted into a rhino and rammed.
He attacked the dread devil, into the chest he had slammed.
With his same action, he knocked the thing prone.
He turned to warlock Steven, but found himself now alone.
“Where’s Steven’s warlock?” Santa Claws asked.
No sooner had he said it than was hit with eldritch blast!
“Steven, what are you doing? We’re on the same side?”
“No. We’re not!” Steven’s warlock now cried.
“You see, when I rolled all those 1’s for my stats,
I knew I’d never succeed with you rats!
“So, I rolled a warlock, and I made Krampus a deal.
I’ve been using Dark One’s Luck, so your fates, he could seal.
“Ted allowed a homebrewed feat with a twist.
I can grant this ability to anyone who’s missed.”
“You were the reason he kept rolling 20’s!” Robin gasped.
“You won’t get away with this,” Dave’s paladin rasped.
“What you don’t see is, I’ve already won.
All I had to do was stall you until the setting sun.”
Glancing to the left, a portal appeared.
It showed their own earth, and things got real weird.
No killer bees, or famine, or plague.
Something else happened… something vague.
What started as a spark burst into a network
“Magic… is real now?” Dave said, “How does that work?”
“’Twas all part of my sinister scheme!” Ted threw out his arms.
“My plan is complete, as are 2020’s harms!”
“Ted and I teamed up with the Krampus last year.”
Steven smirked darkly. “While all of you made merry with cheer.”
“We both struck a deal with this sinister fiend,” said Ted.
“All we needed were players to paint the ground red.”
“And now that our holiday plan is completed,
Nothing!” yelled Steven. “Can make us defeated!”
With a snap of Krampus’ fingers, Doug, Robin and Dave
Found themselves chained in a hellish barred cave.
“You’re sealed for a year!” Ted maliciously mocked.
“By the time you’re free, our power will be stocked.”
“So, go ahead, and try to escape if you dare.”
Steven stood beside Ted. “But beware.”
“Even if you turn out to be everlasters,”
Ted grinned, “Next year, you will face two Dungeon Masters.”
And so, our holiday adventure closes,
On a cliffhanger, no less, and all that imposes.
But next year, dear nerds, this adventure resumes.
Will it lead to victory, or our heroes in tombs?
For some holiday themed RPG adventure check out this enhanced content for the Krinch Who Stole Father Winter’s Day and remember when you signup for Nerdarchy the Newsletter in addition to a FREE GIFT you’ll receive $9.99 in store credit so you can pick that up along with anything else you like right here.