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Speak With Dead #31: All of My Love and Resentment

Bringing back a blast from our Nerdarchy Past. Welcome back to Speak with Dead series.

Coming to you from across the cosmos tonight, our in house agony aunt, the Necromancer with the Answer, has collected a few missives that require advisement. Tonight, Maxillae the Mad draws out two questions and offers her sage counsel.

Stay tuned after the article if you, too, are a fellow seeker and desire guidance, to find out how you may get in contact and Speak With Dead.

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My Dear Maxillae,

It has been quite some time since our last correspondence and I am simply over my head with demons and devils. I daresay I’ve been making fiends! And it is so delightful, you see, I love them all—the problem is they seldom get on well with one another and it’s causing quite a frackas.

Among them I have several lovers—I know you don’t care about ethics, dear Max, but I feel compelled to tell you that it’s all above board and they’re aware of one another and most of them have other lovers of their own as well—and though I pride myself on being a good metamor I suspect that is not a cultural expectation among fiends the way it is among elves.

My question is, what is the best way to make a devil and a demon be civil with one another at group dinner parties?

Most Sincerely,
PlanarPolyamorist

Oh Planar,

I suspect I know who I am speaking to but will continue on with that name change to protect the guilty. I have two answers for you.

The first is not the one you want but I suspect is the one you are more likely to take to heart and it is only this: you cannot control the actions of others, you can only control yourself. That is, if they are truly lovers and not simply bedpartners.

The second, if they are simply bedpartners, is just to bind them to you. Surely, you know their names. And I know you are powerful enough to make it stick, so what are you doing pussyfooting around for?

Unless…

Darling it’s that still-beating heart of yours, isn’t it? Well in that case there’s nothing to be done for it but let them learn their lessons on their own. It is just like any creature you have fleshcrafted, my darling, you must simply let them live their own lives.

…or bind them as your eternal thralls, which I would urge you to do even though I know you will not.

Dearest Regards,
Maxillae the Mad

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Hey Max,

I’m sure you don’t remember me. I was one of your earlier fleshcrafts. And over the course of the last several centuries I have made quite a name for myself terrorizing the countryside.

Mind you, at first that was just in a confused stupor. I would wander and it would anger townsfolk and the next thing you know there would be pitchforks and torches and it was all terribly repetitive. I never made the mistake of getting backed into a windmill, fortunately, or my tale would not have spread so far.

I cannot say I got what I wanted. There has been no acceptance among mortals. However, the creatures in that share these shadows have accepted me quite readily.

My family is currently comprised of a young goblin with delusions of grandeur, a bog hag with several pacts with local mortals, and a forest god who has not moved in several weeks—that is what I’m writing to you about, by the way.

He joined our family quite recently but these past few weeks he has been withering and shedding his leaves everywhere. Two nights ago, he fell asleep and has not woken from it since. I am worried for him. Is there something I should do?

All of my Love and Resentment,
Patches

Patches!

Oh, my dear that is not a name I have thought of in centuries. When I made you I did not yet know how to construct a proper ward, you were never intended to escape. But I am pleased that you have carved out a much better unlife for yourself than I ever could have offered as my thrall. Good for you.

As for your forest god, the answer is simple; it’s Winter. The forest is going dormant, and so is he. You have found yourself in cahoots with a nature deity.

Do not panic, most true nature deities accept death as a part of life and if you have not had problems up until this point they are not likely to start now. Move him to a protected and sheltered area and ensure that he has enough blankets for his hibernation.

Please, do give my love to the family.

Proud of You,
Maxillae the Mad

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Do You Have a Question for Maxillae the Mad?

Please, if you have anything you would like to inquire of our resident necromancer, leave your inquisitions in the comments below. Unfortunately the avenue by which one could ordinarily tweet out ‘speak with dead’ has become corrupted with dark energies and is no longer safe to interface with, but we are at present working on a way around that.

Keep yourselves safe! Do not get mutated!