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The Goblin Inventor: What Does a Goblin Do When Adventurers Aren’t Around?

Adventurers have a pretty simple idea of what goblins do.

They raid villages. They steal livestock. They build traps. They swarm unsuspecting travelers. They live in filthy caves and make life generally unpleasant for everyone around them.

And sure, goblins do plenty of those things.

But somebody has to ask an important question.

Who invented all that stuff?

Welcome back to our series exploring what monsters do when they aren’t being encounters for adventurers. Last time, we visited the Vampire Sommelier, who spent centuries developing an appreciation for the finer qualities of blood. This time, we’re heading somewhere considerably less sophisticated.

There are sparks.

There is smoke.

Something is making a terrible noise.

And a goblin is absolutely convinced this is going according to plan.

Meet the Goblin Inventor.

Goblins Are Natural Engineers

The Goblin Inventor doesn’t see a pile of junk.

It sees possibilities.

A broken wagon wheel isn’t garbage. It’s a component.

A rusted sword isn’t useless. It’s a lever.

A bucket isn’t something you carry water in. It’s the beginning of something much more interesting.

Goblins have a remarkable ability to look at ordinary objects and imagine completely unreasonable ways to combine them.

The results aren’t always useful.

They aren’t always safe.

They aren’t always structurally sound.

But they are almost always entertaining.

The Goblin Workshop

The Goblin Inventor’s workshop is a terrifying place.

Not because there are monsters inside.

Because there are tools everywhere.

Gears are stacked in enormous piles. Cables hang from the ceiling. Broken weapons are mixed together with pieces of furniture, old armor, bits of siege equipment, magical components, cooking utensils, and things nobody can identify.

There are half-finished machines everywhere.

Some move.

Some shake.

Some make alarming noises.

One of them has been smoking for three weeks.

Nobody knows what it does.

The Goblin Inventor refuses to turn it off because it is “almost ready.”

This statement has been repeated for six months.

The First Rule of Goblin Engineering

The Goblin Inventor has one guiding principle.

If it works, it works.

It doesn’t matter why.

It doesn’t matter how.

It doesn’t matter whether anyone can safely explain what just happened.

If a goblin straps a barrel to a chair, attaches six wheels, lights a fuse, and somehow creates a functional vehicle, that’s engineering.

If it explodes after thirty seconds, that’s a design issue.

The goblin will fix it.

Probably.

Goblin Science

The Goblin Inventor is also a scientist.

Unfortunately, goblin science doesn’t always follow conventional scientific methods.

A human scientist might form a hypothesis, develop an experiment, record the results, and repeat the experiment under controlled conditions.

The Goblin Inventor has a different approach.

“Let’s see what happens.”

Sometimes this produces remarkable breakthroughs.

Sometimes it produces fire.

Often it produces both.

The goblin keeps meticulous notes.

Unfortunately, the notes are written in Goblin, covered in grease, and frequently catch fire.

The Invention Nobody Asked For

The Goblin Inventor is constantly solving problems that nobody has.

This is one of its greatest talents.

Nobody complained that opening a door was too difficult.

The Goblin Inventor creates a mechanical door-opening device anyway.

Nobody asked for shoes that make you run faster.

Now there are shoes that make you run faster.

Nobody needed a device capable of launching potatoes across a battlefield.

There is now a potato launcher.

Nobody knows why the potato launcher has three settings.

The goblin does.

It refuses to explain.

The Goblin Invention Cycle

Every invention begins with an idea.

Then comes construction.

Then testing.

Then an explosion.

Then more construction.

Then another explosion.

Eventually, something works.

The Goblin Inventor celebrates.

Everyone else hides.

The goblin immediately begins modifying the successful invention.

This is where things usually go wrong.

The original device was functional.

The improved version is significantly more powerful.

It is also on fire.

The goblin considers this an acceptable trade-off.

The Problem With Magic

Magic makes goblin inventions considerably more dangerous.

The Goblin Inventor doesn’t necessarily understand magic in the same way a wizard does.

It understands that magic makes things happen.

That’s enough.

A magical crystal gets attached to a crossbow.

A wand becomes part of a cooking appliance.

A spellbook is used as a technical manual.

A potion gets poured into an engine because the engine “needed more blue.”

Nobody knows what that means.

The engine is now blue.

It also flies.

The goblin considers this a tremendous success.

Goblin Patent Law

Eventually, the Goblin Inventor becomes successful enough to encounter a serious problem.

Other goblins start copying its inventions.

This leads to the development of goblin patent law.

The system is simple.

The first goblin to shout “I made that!” owns the invention.

This creates frequent disputes.

Sometimes two goblins claim to have invented the same machine.

Sometimes neither of them invented it.

Sometimes a third goblin invented it three years ago but forgot about it.

The resulting arguments can last for days.

Fortunately, the Goblin Inventor has developed a legal solution.

A machine that settles patent disputes.

Nobody knows how it works.

It appears to favor whichever goblin is standing closest to it.

The Goblin Inventor considers this perfectly fair.

The Goblin Inventor and Adventurers

Adventurers are fascinating to the Goblin Inventor.

They bring equipment.

Weapons.

Armor.

Magical items.

Potions.

Rope.

Tools.

And most importantly, new ideas.

Every adventurer who survives an encounter with the Goblin Inventor becomes a source of inspiration.

The fighter’s sword becomes a potential mechanical component.

The wizard’s wand inspires a new weapon.

The rogue’s grappling hook becomes the basis for a much larger machine.

The cleric’s holy symbol creates an entirely different line of experiments.

The adventurers may leave the goblin workshop thinking they’ve escaped.

The Goblin Inventor is already taking apart something they dropped.

The Goblin Invention Shop

Eventually, the Goblin Inventor opens a business.

The shop is called something like “Totally Safe Things.”

The sign underneath says, “Probably.”

The shop sells useful adventuring equipment.

Some of it is even good.

There are self-heating bedrolls, collapsible ladders, automatic tent stakes, mechanical locks, spring-loaded grappling hooks, improved cooking equipment, portable lanterns, and dozens of other clever devices.

Then there are the inventions nobody should buy.

The automatic sword sharpener.

The self-firing crossbow.

The portable catapult.

The boots of unpredictable speed.

The emergency escape chair.

The Goblin Inventor insists every item has been tested.

This is technically true.

It simply doesn’t say who did the testing.

The Serious Side of the Goblin Inventor

For all the humor, the Goblin Inventor can reveal something important about goblins.

Creatures that adventurers often dismiss as primitive may actually be incredibly clever.

They might not build things according to the standards of human kingdoms or dwarven clans, but that doesn’t mean they lack ingenuity.

A goblin settlement might have developed ingenious methods for collecting water, growing food, defending itself, transporting goods, or recycling materials.

Their inventions may look ridiculous to outsiders while being perfectly suited to their environment.

A serious Dungeon Master can use the Goblin Inventor to make goblin communities feel like actual societies.

Instead of finding a cave filled with goblins waiting to be killed, adventurers might discover a settlement filled with workshops, markets, inventors, mechanics, and goblin children arguing over who gets to operate the newest machine.

The goblins still might be dangerous.

They just aren’t standing around waiting for the heroes to arrive.

When the Invention Finally Works

The Goblin Inventor’s greatest dream isn’t money.

It’s discovery.

It wants to build something nobody has ever built before.

Something amazing.

Something that changes the world.

Maybe it succeeds.

Maybe the Goblin Inventor eventually creates a machine capable of doing something nobody believed goblins could accomplish.

A flying machine.

A mechanical guardian.

A magical engine.

A device capable of storing enormous amounts of energy.

Or perhaps something much simpler.

A machine that finally makes goblin life easier.

The goblin may not care whether anyone else thinks the invention is impressive.

It built it.

And that is enough.

Using the Goblin Inventor in Your D&D Campaign

For Dungeon Masters, the Goblin Inventor can become much more than another quirky NPC.

The characters might need to visit the goblin workshop because their magical equipment has broken.

Perhaps they need a custom tool for an upcoming adventure.

Maybe the goblin has invented something capable of solving a problem the characters haven’t been able to overcome.

Perhaps the party discovers that a goblin settlement has been building something enormous beneath the ground.

Naturally, the characters assume it is a weapon.

It isn’t.

It’s a railway.

The goblins have spent decades building an underground transportation system connecting their settlements.

The adventurers are simply the first outsiders to discover it.

And now the goblins need help finishing it.

Alternatively, the Goblin Inventor might become a recurring NPC whose inventions gradually improve every time the characters return.

The first time they meet, it sells them a grappling hook.

The second time, it has built a mechanical climbing harness.

The third time, it has invented a portable airship.

Eventually, the adventurers realize they have accidentally helped create the greatest goblin engineer in the world.

They probably should have asked what the goblin planned to do with all that knowledge.

Final Thoughts

The Goblin Inventor is a reminder that monsters don’t stop having lives simply because the adventurers aren’t looking at them.

The goblins are building things.

They’re experimenting.

They’re solving problems.

They’re making mistakes.

They’re discovering new ideas.

And occasionally they’re setting themselves on fire.

That’s part of what makes a fantasy world feel alive.

The next time your players encounter a goblin settlement, consider what those goblins have been doing while the heroes were busy fighting dragons.

Maybe they’ve been building something.

Maybe they’ve been inventing something.

Maybe they’ve been preparing for the day when goblin technology finally catches up with the rest of the world.

Or maybe they’ve simply been trying to figure out why the machine they built last week keeps screaming.

Whatever the answer, don’t assume the goblins have been waiting around for adventurers.

They have work to do.

And somewhere in that workshop, a goblin is standing over a pile of gears, magical crystals, broken swords, and several things that absolutely should not be connected together.

The goblin smiles.

“Trust me.”

Those are rarely comforting words.

What’s Next?

We’ve already discovered that monsters can be architects, therapists, accountants, furniture makers, and even sommeliers. But the world of monster professions is only getting stranger.

Next time, we’re going to tackle one of the less glamorous jobs in any fantasy world.

Someone has to keep the dungeon clean.

And when you have a creature that can dissolve just about anything it touches, there is really only one monster for the job.

The Gelatinous Cube Janitor is coming next.

Thanks for reading. Until Next Time, Stay Nerdy!!