Odd NPC Vendors for Your Magical World: Durgan “Two-Copper” Ironsmile’s Discount Armory
Meet the Proprietor: Durgan “Two-Copper” Ironsmile
Durgan Ironsmile is a stout, soot-streaked dwarf with a braided beard peppered with flecks of metal shavings and a grin that never quite inspires confidence. He runs a small, cluttered stall in the market’s far corner under a crooked sign that reads:
“Weapons for Less! Function Guaranteed… Mostly.”
He claims that his prices “can’t be beat” because he uses innovative craftsmanship shortcuts (translation: corners cut so sharp they might stab you before the enemy does). Every weapon he sells works… but often with quirks. Check out another weird vendor here.
His shop smells of burnt iron, stale ale, and a hint of something suspiciously like cabbage soup. Tools are scattered everywhere, and half-finished weapons rest in barrels marked “ALMOST DONE”.
What’s Really Going On?
Durgan is a skilled smith — in theory. In practice, he’s impatient, distractible, and always looking for faster ways to turn out more stock. This results in weapons that technically do their job, but often have strange magical or mechanical side effects.
While customers sometimes return with complaints, Durgan’s “No Refunds, Only Stories” policy ensures they leave with a shrug, a grin, and maybe a replacement weapon just as questionable as the first.
Random Weapon Quirk Table (d12)
When a player buys a weapon from Durgan, roll 1d12 to determine its special feature.
| d12 | Weapon Quirk |
|---|---|
| 1 | Sings Off-Key: Emits a faint, warbling hum when swung. Loud enough to annoy stealthy approaches. |
| 2 | Slightly Too Hot: Always warm to the touch; harmless but unsettling. |
| 3 | Reverse Sneeze: Makes a tiny “choo” sound when striking a solid surface. |
| 4 | Lucky Grip: Once per day, grants +1 to hit — but only after you loudly say, “Here goes nothing!” |
| 5 | Shiny-Obsessed: The weapon slowly turns toward the nearest reflective surface when idle. |
| 6 | Persistent Spark: Occasionally throws harmless sparks when swung. Great in the dark, terrible for stealth. |
| 7 | Slightly Bent: Attacks at long range (thrown weapons) have disadvantage. Melee unaffected. |
| 8 | Chatty Blade: Whispers encouraging phrases (“You’ve got this!”) during combat. |
| 9 | Magnetically Unstable: Sticks to bits of metal unexpectedly — including your own armor. |
| 10 | Random Glow: Glows faintly in random colors every hour. Purely aesthetic. |
| 11 | Overdramatic Swing: Creates a small gust of wind each time it’s swung. Harmless, but capes love it. |
| 12 | Inexplicable Rattle: Makes a faint rattling noise at all times. You can’t find the source. |
Example Stock & Prices
| Weapon Type | Cost (gp) | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Shortsword | 5 | Sturdy but guaranteed to have a quirk. |
| Handaxe | 4 | Often slightly unbalanced in weight. |
| Spear | 3 | Comes with a random tassel (useless). |
| Light Crossbow | 12 | Sometimes creaks when drawn. |
| Warhammer | 10 | Handle slightly too thick for most hands. |
| Greataxe | 15 | Blade tends to chip easily — cosmetic only. |
Using Durgan in Your Campaign
For Players:
-
Buy weapons on the cheap when funds are low.
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Embrace the quirks for roleplay flavor.
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Try to commission a “serious” weapon from him — and watch it still get a quirk.
For DMs:
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Roll quirks at purchase or have Durgan dramatically “reveal” them.
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Let quirks have occasional minor mechanical effects, positive or negative.
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Make Durgan a recurring NPC — maybe the quirks start getting weirder over time.
Adventure Hooks
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The Cursed Batch: A rival sabotaged his latest shipment, adding dangerous curses — Durgan hires the party to track the culprit.
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Royal Contract Gone Wrong: The king’s guard ordered 100 swords; now they all whistle when drawn, and Durgan’s in trouble.
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Durgan’s Masterpiece: He’s attempting a “perfect” weapon, but needs rare materials the players must fetch… and it still might end up quirky.
Thanks for reading. Until Next Time, Stay Nerdy!!
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