Nubz Knows Chapter 14: Aligning With Character Alignment Part 9: Chaotic Evil
This will be the ninth part in a nine part series where I get to interview characters of the various character alignments in Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder.
This should give insight and illustrate the richness that can be found in each character alignment in an organic way.
Also I must apologize for the late release of this article as my personal life has been exceedingly active as of late.
To this end, I have chosen out nine NPC’s from campaigns I have written and went across the dimensional borders to speak to these characters face to face in their natural element.
Traveling through the night, puddles splashing beneath my feet as I trudge through the dark alleys of the capital. Having just escaped the cave ghoul, and then managed to warn the Inquisitors of the impending Deathless, I find myself a bit lost.
Having already stared into the face and heart of evil, I find myself adrift and amiss as to my willingness to delve further into the character alignment of evil. Even armed with a token given by the inquisitors that denotes me as an auxiliary member, I am not sure I have what it takes to understand the mind of evil. What can I do to protect myself and those I care for?
Hearing a second splash behind me, I turn quickly but see nothing but a side alley I passed recently. Shrugging, I lift my collar to hide from the rain and continue on.
Cursing my rotten luck I huff, “I am tired of looking for Evil”. Stopping to look at a sharp sound behind me only to find a cat jumping off a rubbish pile. “Damn cat.” I grumble before turning forward again only to see a man in a long dark grey coat. The man’s hair is tied back, his eyes glistening under a flat bowler, pale face adorned with a smile that bares not a touch of sanity.
Seeing his hand twitch and feeling an impact against my skull, I hear his eerily calm voice state as the world fades to darkness, “Ello Coppah.”
World spinning and whirling into focus, I come to in an unknown warehouse. My arms tied to a chair behind me, my legs bound as well, I find myself in dire straights. The sunlight shows me that I have been out for quite sometime. Scanning my surroundings, I observe the same smiling man barely within my view.
His long legs nearly bone, the only part of him that lays within the light as he lounges. A knife in hand as he grinds it’s point into the crate as he sits there. Turning toward me with a flourish and addresses me,
“Greetings and impalations Nerdarchy readers, I have Nubz here who was just DYING to meet and greet with someone of the character alignment, Chaotic evil.”
Eyes widening as I realize this maniacal man somehow has broken the 4th wall, “Wha… How do you?”
Jumping off his crate and approaching with a swagger close to that of a trained dancer, “How do I know what? Know of your website? Oh… I know many things. The voices tell me what I need to know and maybe a little more… perhaps of roses on the side of a house?”
I watch as he prances, spinning heal to toe, left to right. The knife flipping and weaving between his fingers as he does his routine, voice lifting and lowering as if he was singing to Broadway.
Watching him now with fear unlike any other, not with the detached gaze of a reporter and author, but with the stark detailed fear of a victim who just realized how long and how close the predator has come before deciding to bat around the prey like a cat with some blind mouse.
My voice a different pitch as I try to maintain my cool, the inquisitor badge slowly being pulled from the back of my pants, “How… How long have you been…”
As if a trained acrobat he back flips only to land before me, leaning forward til his face is almost touching mine, “Been following you? Oh… that’s the caveat isn’t it? Have I followed you here, have I followed you there, has he been here, has he been everywhere?!”
With the last word he spins away, arms out twirling in circles faster and faster with a statement thrown out every time his eyes meet mine, each circle bringing him closer until his slavering breath hits me like a slap from the bowels of hell, “Has he? Hasn’t he? Has he? Will he? Won’t he? Yes! No?! YES! NO! YES? NO!”
Stopping a mere inch from me as he locks me in deadly gaze with a knife to my throat, “Yes…. but not yet.” He stands up and puts the knife away as he resumes his calm veneer.
Shaking my head slightly as I slowly work the edge of my inquisitor badge against my bindings, You’re insane… why me? What is the point?”
He smiles like a kid told they may have desert, as if the chance to talk is a reward, “The end game? The end game! It always is about the end when the journey is the fun! It is is not about what you want, but how you go and get it. Not the skinning of the cat, but the making it watch it’s kittens eat each other. Yes…. that’s the candy mate!”
“If you even think about…” I say as I feel the metal badge scrape against my wrist again, the blood making the ropes slippery.
Again he interrupts my retort with his sing song soliloquies, “Think?! You don’t get it… THEY NEVER GET IT! Chaotic people don’t THINK! You forget yourself good SIR! I have never had my character alignment so insulted. That is positively EVIL to have heard one impugn that I THINK! Thinking means a plan, and plans are order and we can’t have that now CAN WE?”
Engaging him further as I feel the ropes fall free, catching it in my bloody palm to keep my release my secret from this evil man, “No we can’t. So it’s all about immediate self gratification is it?”
Nodding vigorously, he speaks first in an almost muted tone only to rise with each sentence both in tempo and volume, “Yes, pleasure. Gratification, a standing ovation from the souls of the released. The diseased, those hungry for life we lived to the fullest to the fullest by taking theirs. Dancing the blade across the song of the fire.”
He dances a high step in place now at a fevered pace with back turned toward me, “Fire of the innocent! Innocent of the blood. Blood of the guilty. Guilty of the sins. Sins of the soul. Soul of the innocent. INNOCENT OF THE TRUTH. TRUTH OF THE BLOOD!”
His words are cut short as he falls to the ground from the sharp shattering wooden crack of the very chair he bound me to moments prior. Looking down at the would be subject of my article on chaotic evil character alignment, I realize the infectious nature of evil. The way my night devolved into chaos surprises me.
Like the whole world spins out of control at all times and this man is a mere representative of those who chose to spin with it. Still, I think as I kick him in the ribs hard, this guy is going to a cell post haste. Though not necessarily with all his ribs intact. He did threaten my family after all, and I never said what character alignment I am.
“Chaos, alright… I can role with it.”