Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse — It’s All About that Gear

Greetings ghouls and gals. Nerdarchist Dave here and I’m going to try to help you get through a zombie apocalypse. First things first it’s all about the preparation. Once you find yourself in the middle of an invasion from the living dead it might already be to late.

What to do in a zombie apocalypse

Step 1. Assemble your gear before horror begins to unfold. For those of you who wish to survive a horde of undead on a budget you’re in luck — most of your survival kit can be gathered from Amazon.

During the apocalypse you most likely won’t have internet access. You going to need to have something to refer to on hand in order to get you through the ordeal, since you won’t be able to access the Nerdarchy.com website.

So the first item on our list is The Zombie Survival Guide.

My 14-year-old son’s idea was to surround your home with treadmills that are constantly running. I had to point out in a true zombie apocalypse there isn’t likely to be any electricity. A nice low tech alternative would be to litter the area with bear traps instead. My suggestion is lay them in plain sight and mark them with white or florescent orange paint. Another great thing about bear traps is they are reusable. On the downside their only feasible if you have a defensible position you plan on digging in at. While not as humorous as the treadmills it’s far more feasible. Even if the traps don’t stop the living dead they’ll at least slow them down and offer an early warning system.

The next item on our list that will be very helpful is a good first aid kit. You don’t want to skimp here. There is no guarantee you’ll have any access to medical attention. I’d also highly recommend taking a first aid course. It might save your life or the life of someone else. Another must have is a ready to go emergency kit. You can either buy an already assembled kit or put your own together. The key here is it’s already put together and grab and go ready.

Going on the offensive during a zombie apocalypse

We’ve touched on a how-to book, some defensive measures and some zombie wound after care. But what do you do when the meds don’t work and one of your loved ones begins to turn? That’s where your handy dandy axe, tactical shovel or machete will come in. With the axe I went with a longer handle to stay as far away as we can from the undead shamblers.

Next let’s look at killing zombies from a far. The crossbow is ideal and not just because of how cool Daryl is on The Walking Dead.

Reasons to use a Crossbow:

• Crossbows are very quiet compared to firearms.
• They require less skill than a bow or firearm.
• It’s easier to make bolts compared to bullets.
• Far more useful against a vampire than any firearm.

That first one is very important. Everyone knows zombies are attracted to loud noises. Becoming an effective archer takes years of practice so that rules out bows for most people. Crossbows don’t have recoil so they’re easier to fire than a gun. Eventually you are going to run out of ammunition. In the off chance this zombie apocalypse involves a vampire you may want to have few wooden crossbow bolts handy. There are two things to think about here:

1. Bullets are more plentiful than bolts.
2. Bolts will be far easier to make than bullets and require less specialized tools to make.

This is just our first article to surviving an unnatural disaster. There will be others including revisiting this topic in the future. Feel free to let us know what kind of unnatural disasters you’d like Nerdarchy to cover.

Disclaimer: Nerdarchy are not actually licensed zombie experts. Furthermore, there is no guarantee following of our gear buying guide advice will save your ass at all. Although many of us have killed numerous undead in various roleplaying games such as fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons, in fact none of us have killed any honest to god real zombies in our non-make-believe lives. Nerdarchy is in no way responsible for any injury, death, or zombification that may occur from following the advice of this article. Its content is strictly for entertainment purposes only, not for the actual slaying of ghosts, vampires, ghouls, skeletons, zombies and various other undead creatures.