Drawing Out The Poison: The unfortunate event of removing someone from your RPG party

Drawing Out The Poison: The unfortunate event of removing someone from your RPG party

February 16, 2017

This is a topic that can be quite touchy, being that everyone involved is usually quite uncomfortable or annoyed in some way. This past week I had the “super fun” job of voting out a player who was being, in the nicest way to say it, a complete fun sucker. As the silent eye rolls and constant questioning of all the DM’s decision-making slowly filled the room with an ichor of emotions and distaste, it became more and more apparent that this particular character was clearly unstable due to his lack of perception and understanding of everyone’s uncomfortable “energy/gamer vibes.” Usually the worst part of these kind of people is exactly that, that they are oblivious of others’ annoyance and blindly continue in there railroading gaming tactics.

This was a player who was new to our table and he was excited about our gaming night, so we decided to invite him to come and play. He was apparently a very advanced player who also had been involved one time or another in being a DM for other groups, he said … After deciding “sure, why not, let’s invite him and see how it goes,” our group became incredibly divided with his constant interruptions and, as I like to put it, “book keeping” of everything the DM was laying down.

As a witness to this player who had broken the rules of contributing to the snack table yet ate everything in front of him, his constant sexual and inappropriate “wet sounds” or gross humor, the uncomfortable force hand shaking of people sitting next to him who apparently in every way didn’t want to touch him, to his completely off topic ideals, to everything all the other players were doing, it became clear to me that he might be in fact a sociopath. As I got up to re-fill water during another player’s turn, he actually tried handing me “one” of his many distraction device phones, so that I would not “be bored to tears.” He literally said this to me. I respectfully declined his offer as I confirmed to him that I was actually very interested in the story line and the game happening before me … whether it was my turn or not (I was super annoyed at this point).

I got the impression this person was not only self-consumed, but also sexist to assume that one of two female players (being myself and the other girl who was glaring at him) were uninterested in this “man’s world.” This person was completely unable to give one flip about what other player characters were doing or his ties to them. It was crazy for me to see him be done with his turn and then pick up his phone to distract himself so he didn’t become bored while others had their turns, and then have the nerve to question the rules and game tactics even when he was on several occasions completely wrong and corrected.

I mean, we gave the guy the chance, we all handled ourselves with kindness and patience, but by the end of the game, his “mary suing” and dominating behavior was too much for all of us to handle. The next morning I got e-mails and texts from players saying that if he was to be a part of the game, they simply would not come back the following week. So we held a vote. I texted all the players to get input, and without further ado, we decided to vote him out of our game with a detailed e-mail about why and that we were sorry for the inconvenience. The next few days consisted of his constant texting and phone calls, even stalking (peeling out in front of our work with his car). All this only confirmed our suspicions this player/person had some serious problems (I was literally peeking out my window to make sure he wasn’t stalking us, it was uncomfortable as hell).

So, moral of the story, if you ever have a player like this at your game table, I feel like the best thing to do is come together as a team and as a party to decide what is best. After all, this is your game, and your free time to have some fun and escape it all. The last thing anyone in the party needs is someone constantly interrupting and making others uncomfortable. Don’t feel bad, deal with this issue and let it go! I had to literally tell him in a text, “It’s like going on a blind date with someone and it didn’t go well, sorry not sorry. K bye.” It was the only way for him to understand. I actually had to get rude …

Dungeons and Dragons is so special because it happens to be one of the few games where authenticity is everything! We all face each other, we talk, we use our minds and ideals to come together to create and be real. If you have a player who thinks they are going to “win” at D&D, then I am afraid they have missed the point and perhaps they should stick to online games like World of Warcraft or first person shooter games. D&D is the safe place for creation and exploration where “winning” is unrealistic, kinda like life. Never let anyone take that from you or your players, if you happen to be a DM. Resist that shit as often as you can! Let the show go on! Be with players who want to be open and have “genuine moments” together. Be with players who want to be in the game when you play, not with someone “one-uping everyone involved” or taking the magic out of the time you all have together. D&D is the best game in world because it is for the moment and for the journey, never the destination.

Good luck my friends, stay nerdy!

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