Now for something completely different: Add laughs to your D&D game with Monty Python rules

November 25, 2015

Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Around some role-playing game tables, especially those for Dungeons & Dragons, quotes from the Monty Python’s Flying Circus television show and Monty Python movies are as common as twenty-sided dice. As might be expected considering the subject matter, quips from “Monty Python and The Holy Grail” are especially prevalent.

Who can blame us, and our fellow gamers? Those movies and the show are hilarious and often full of scenarios and one-liners just fit for a session of D&D. In our broader culture, perhaps only “The Princess Bride” comes close as being quoted, or maybe the Star Wars franchise.

However, sometimes quotes aren’t enough. Sometimes you might want to take your game to the next level by actually including Monty Python material in your adventures. Drafting some of the characters would not be too difficult, and it would be a fairly easy task to include King Arthur’s famed sword Excalibur as rules for it exist in earlier editions of the game. But what about specific rules that allow for Monty Python-esque gameplay?

I’m glad you asked. Oh, you didn’t ask? Well, I’m going to give you a few rules anyway. Below you will find a new background, a magic spell, and an archetype, all taken right out of Monty Python. To boot, enjoy the related videos below each description.

Background: The Village Idiot

Whether a natural, self-styled idiot or an educated, graduate idiot, idiocy has been your life for as many years as you can remember. Mornings were spent practicing at all sorts of foolery while afternoons and early evenings found you falling off walls, walking funny down lanes, and blithering your way past the locals. All the while you managed to make others feel good about themselves because they had you to look down upon, and you were able to make a little coin to boot.

Skill Proficiences: Deception, Performance
Tool Proficiences: Disguise kit
Languages: One of your choice (as it helps to play the fool for the tourists)
Equipment: A straw hat, a bit of string, a dead parrot, a letter of introduction from your idiot teacher, a bowl of porridge, a set of muddied and torn common clothes, a banana, and 5 gp.

Spell: Fresh Fruit’s Vengeance

6th-level evocation

Casting time: 1 reaction, taken in response to being approached by an attacker that you can see
Range: 30 feet
Components: V, S, M (one piece of fruit, preferably a banana, though any kind of fruit will do)
Duration: Instantaneous

You point the fruit at the attacker, then a lever appears in the air next to you. Pull on the lever and a 16-ton weight filling a cube 5 feet on each side falls upon your attacker. The attacker takes 20d10 bludgeoning damage. The weight will remain in place afterward, making quite a lovely tunnel blocker.

Fighter Archetype: Knight Who Says Ni

Those who join the Knights Who Say Ni have undergone extensive martial training to become a protector of forest paths while gaining a love of shrubberies.

Ni!

When choosing this path at 3rd level, you learn to shout the word “Ni!” as a bonus action. Whenever you shout “Ni” to a target you can see within 30 feet, the target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against a DC of 8 + your proficiency bonus + your Wisdom or Charisma modifier (your choice) or they must Grovel, falling prone and unable to move again until the end of your next turn.

More Ni!

Starting at 7th level, your Ni! shout ability can be used against multiple targets within a 60-foot cone in front of you.

Dreaded Ni!

At 10th level, you can choose for your Ni! ability to cause the effects of a Fear spell. To avoid the effects, the targets must make a Wisdom saving throw against a DC of 8 + your proficiency bonus + your Wisdom or Charisma modifier (your choice).

Shrubbery Defense

Starting at 15th level, whenever you are within 30 feet of a shrubbery, you gain protection against your foes. You gain 2d8 + level temporary hit points and gain a +2 for all your saving throws while any person, animal or creature will have disadvantage on attacks against you. Also, you can’t be charmed and short rests give you the full benefits of a long rest.

Deadly Ni!
At 18th level, you can shout “Ni!” as an action, creating a Circle of Death that ripples out in a 60-foot radius sphere from you. The Circle of Death is equivalent to an 8th-level spell slot, giving forth 12d6 necrotic damage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTQfGd3G6dg

There you go, Nerdarchists. Hopefully these silly, little rules can add to your game, or at least gave you something semi-amusing to read for a few minutes. Until next time, stay Nerdy!

P.S. No moose or llamas were hurt in the writing of this article.