5 Laughable RPG Campaign Destroyers
“Cambers Quarreling” by Jan Steen, circa 1665 [Image courtesy of Detroit Institute of Arts]
I do believe any campaign could survive things that would destroy others, and D&D is a game that can accommodate so many different styles to the point I do not feel safe guaranteeing anything will happen.
What I will say is I have seen things destroy campaigns that would make you roll save vs death from laughter. That being said, I will not name the people who destroyed these campaigns, but I will describe things as I remember them now.
Ahh yes, the mists of time cloud all. Here we go with my experiences, and I would love to hear your experiences.
Laughable way to destroy a campaign No. 1
Lessa from “People of Pern” [Image by Robin Wood]
The Dungeon Master was annoyed, the players were furious, and she was so self absorbed she thought we were having a good time. She even put together and performed romantic musical numbers. The game was destroyed, although it would have went down faster had there been anything else to do.
At a Jobcorps Center, where there was nothing to do, we would rather do nothing for months than continue that awkward game. It was that horribly uncomfortable. It was like being Ash and Misty on Pokemon, save for our Brock was focused on one target per game.
Laughable way to destroy a campaign No. 2
The second campaign destroyer I look back on and laugh about would have to be the mathematician despot. Seriously, to the stunned and gawking bewilderment of all the other players, this person destroyed a campaign just because he had to have things measured a certain way. Yeah, I kid you not, he destroyed a campaign arguing with players and DM just to have things measured by meters in lieu of feet.
How this warranted destroying property, insulting other players, and even felonious accusations is beyond me. This player was so hell bent on his measurements and interpretations of the mathematics behind rules he tainted that game for the foreseeable future. That group is still mostly together and we still have not touched that entire game system since.
This all culminated in this player pulling another outside and giving the weirdest speech ever while the recipient stood there confused (similar, if you can imagine, to the look one would have if they were dumped by someone who they had no idea they were dating).
The highlighted quote of this monologue was weird but we still laugh about it to this day, and often!
“You’re a supernova, and I’m a supernova, we just got to close and created a black hole!”
Laughable way to destroy a campaign No. 3
April 1992 cover of Nakayoshi, a monthly shōjo manga magazine. [Art by Naoko Takeuchi]
At least once a month he would change what campaign we were running, leaving more unused characters than one can shake a stick at.
It became laughable because he would expose us to so many campaigns he had us swear to secrecy because he was embarrassed of the content.
We are talking about code words and secret meetings here. Like instead of admitting he was playing Sailor Moon, he referred to it as “Blue Book” and used a book cover for it.
The whole effort used to continue the charade destroyed multiple campaigns from D&D to Werewolf: The Apocalypse.
A Game Master should be a leader, and as such should be proud to be running any campaign they undertook. Still, blue book makes me laugh.
Laughable way to destroy a campaign No. 4
Fourth among the campaign killers that make me laugh is one in which a player would be constant in his pursuing of partying, going to the bar, or otherwise causing debauchery. Yes, a game is for fun, but there is a time and a place for everything. The thing is the player was more determined to bring people away from the game than to play the game he so insisted to be included in. Why does this make me laugh you may ask, and the answer is the extreme lengths he would go through to cause this debauchery. From dropping literally hundreds in booze, to encouraging others through blatantly calling for trips to the bar. I will never forget the time he, through frat boy peer pressure, got another player to chug near a half gallon of Jello shooters. It looked like the player had devoured a village of Smurfs alive. All and all the total was a grouping of good memories, but they were not good for gaming. It destroyed the D&D campaign.
Laughable way to destroy a campaign No. 5
The Good and Evil Angels, 1795, printed 1805, by William Blake [Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons]
The player chose to play a morally ambiguous character that could not be driven to do anything beyond drink a beer and lament some story of why he could not care less. The group could not get him to move any more than the DM could. Offers of treasure, glory, and even love of a princess could not sway him. This guy was a bump on a log, or in this case a bar stool. First the group would bribe him, next they shanghaied him, and soon enough they just started leaving the offending player behind.
The campaign did not get destroyed but it was effectively destroyed for that player. Same difference right? Well it made me laugh to see this player rail against the simple desire for progress.
Share your stories
Well those are my thoughts on funny times I have had D&D or other campaigns destroyed for various reasons. I hope they made you laugh, as they have made me laugh so often over the years. Would you do me the favor and tell me a tale of a laughable campaign that was destroyed? I know there have to be some amazing stories out there but I do ask you to keep names out of things and keep it civil. That being said, I would also love to hear of funny player deaths, as that is effectively the destruction of a campaign for one character. Share your thoughts, stories, and ideas in the comments below.
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Stay Nerdy,
Nubz
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